Hair
by darkangel-silvermoon
Summary: Reid has an illness and has to come to terms with his feelings. I wish I owned Reid and Criminal Minds,but I do not, sadly.:
1. Hair

Hair

"Reid, man, it'll be alright." He clasped his hand on my shoulder. An innocent gesture, yes, but it sets my mind on fire.

I've always been afraid of my mind, and now my fear has taken root and spread. Cancer.

Large classes of brain tumor have very low survival rates, so this doesn't look good for me, but if I stay positive, as it is proven, there is a higher survival rate.

But just think, being a genius and loosing your memory, turns out to be brain cancer. Not very happy.

I have to tell him sooner than later, most likely sooner.

When did this happen? When did he become to mean more than a friend to me? Not only a friend, but someone I could lean on, count on to be there for me. My feelings have morphed, now he is my world, and I should tell him, but I don't know how. He's been pulling me through this. I will beat this.

"Hey pretty boy, you ready for this?" His voice shakes; he's supposed to be the rock of the team, invulnerable. But then I guess he's only human.

"Are you sure you want to do this Reid?" He asks again; hands trembling.

"If you won't do it, I will." I grab at the clippers in his hands.

"Morgan." I try being firm; it's kind of cute when he's afraid.

"Alright, I'll do it." He flicks the switch and the clippers vibrate. Morgan breathes out, hands tense up. I reach back to touch his hip. He half smiles, touching the back of my head before he starts. Front to back, the clippers vibrate, skimming across my scalp. Bubbles of laugher escape my lips. It tickles.

Then silence.

Morgan reaches over to the table to grab a mirror. I look…to see someone that's not me.

My hair. "It's just hair." He whispers.

I rub my hand against my scalp; it feels like soft dog's fur.

"I guess I'm not 'pretty boy' anymore." I crane my neck to look up at Morgan.

He frowns, tears welling up. He places the mirror down, coming in front of me, holding my hands. He squeezes them tight.

"You're going to get through this. You're stronger than you look. You're a fighter. No matter how many times you almost… you always surprise us kid, you pull on through." Tears fall on our clasped hands.

My heart aches. I want to pull his face to mine and kiss him senseless. I want to just touch his cheek to…reassure him, but then again I am afraid. This fear is irrational.

He straightens up, wiping the tears from his face. He turns his back on me. God, he's so beautiful.

"Derek." I stand up, touching his shoulder.

There's the idea of males being physically attracted to females, and vise versa, and that being natural, normal. But then again…I am not normal by any sense of the term. I'm attracted to people, and Derek Morgan is the most beautiful person I know.

"Yeah kid?" He sniffs; turning around to look at me.

"Derek I-" I need to get closer, I…I don't want my memories to fade, loose my facilities; I don't want to die alone.

I place my hand on his heart; it speeds up under my touch.

I try tucking my hair behind my hair behind my ear out of habit, not possible. Damn.

"Yeah Reid?" He shifts, concern flits across his face.

I clear my throat. How to…I press my chest against his, wrapping my arms around his waste.

His eyes grow wide as I reach up to kiss him, softly and hesitantly as possible. He's so breakable.

Morgan tenses up before he relaxes, giving in he kisses back.

I never knew how much I wanted this.

I don't know how long we're like this, but I know Morgan groans as I pull away for air.

"Derek, I'm sorry…Uh, it's probably my fear of uh…"I can't get my thoughts straight.

"No it's not, stop lying. I see how you watch me at work, on cases. This is…" Morgan half smiles at me, his teeth flashing. It's contagious, I smile back.

"I'm here for you no matter what Spencer. No matter what." Morgan rubs his hand along my spine, leaving me to shiver.

"But you don't have to, I'm not asking for pity. I-" He won't let me finish.

"This is my choice. I choose you. Work doesn't matter, people don't matter. I don't care. You're going to pull through, and I'm gonna be there. I love you. Even when this is all over, I'll still love you. I will spend all the time I have with you, Spencer Reid. Leave no doubt about it kid." He stares at me hard, reaching to entwine his fingers with mine.

My heart will burst through my rib cage, theoretically. He's mine.

:


	2. What?

I'd love to own Criminal Minds and Reid, but sadly my dreams will never come true.

If you review this, please tell me why it was like or disliked. It'd be a help:)

***

What?

Morgan sits at his desk, staring at the empty desk across the room.

"Hey Spence." JJ says as Reid strides in. You can hear the rest of the team goes quiet. Reid looks around.

"What? Why is everyone staring at me? I feel nervous." He places his bag on the floor.

"What did you _do _to your hair?" Garcia walks in, as if in a trance. She comes up to Reid, reflexively grabbing his arm as he tries to back away, and duck out of her reach.

She starts petting his head.

"It's so soft… but where's our Goldie Locks? You looked so much prettier with hair/" Garcia laments as J.J and Prentis come over to touch his head as well.

"Well, I think he looks beautiful anyway." Morgan says loud enough for the girls to hear. Reid blushes deep.

Everyone looks at Morgan, shocked…waiting.

"You heard me. Don't mess with the kid. I think he looks great." Morgan clears his throat. He's calm, looking directly at Reid.

JJ looks back and forth between Reid and Morgan, her face twists in sort of a realization.

"Ah, I'm incredibly happy for you two." She hugs Reid, and he tentively hugs her back.

"Yeah," Prentis nods.

Garcia beams. "Finally! No more-"

"No more what?" Reid breaks free from the gaggle of women; he heads over to Morgan's desk and sits on the edge, extending his legs, and crosses his arms again. His jaw tightens, as he watches them.

"No more pretending there's no huge elephant in the room. You two should see how you two act around each other. Partners or not; we knew it."

Morgan and Reid smile, Hotch enters.

"New look?" Hotch nods at Reid.

Reid smirks. "Yeah, I'm going for the "I have cancer" look. Do you like?" He runs his hand over his head. Morgan thumps Morgan in the arm.

"Yeah, it's different." Hotch says before addressing the team.

"I think we need a little break. No need to come into work until tomorrow, so go home and relax." His face twitches in what could pass as a half smile.

"Why don't we go out for drinks later on?" Prentis suggests.

"Nah, I think I'm going to go home and catch up on some sleep." Morgan shakes his head.

"But next time, right?" Prentis shoot out?

"Yeah."

"Come on Reid, I'll take you home." Morgan gets up to leave. Reid follows.

"See you guys tomorrow." He leaves, grabbing his bag. They leave; Reid slipping his hand into Morgan's.


	3. Sleep

As said before…I do not own Reid or Criminal Minds, but I really want to.

This may be corny, but I'm trying right?

We are quiet, Morgan's car skimming the road. We're coming from work; Hotch let us off early to rest.

My mind drifts back to this morning, _Morgan picked me up from my apartment. I didn't want to open my eyes after going to sleep, hoping that yesterday was not a dream, but I forced myself out of bed to get ready for work like I do every morning._

_And to have the doorbell ring as I put on my socks; throwing on a robe to answer the door; only to find Morgan behind the threshold spirited my breath away, him smiling, unsure, as he holds two coffees in hand._

_Is this real, or have the hallucinations already begun? Everything can be delusion, but please let this be real._

_He hands me the cup, kissing me on the cheek before brushing past me. The old Morgan would not have done that. I closed the door behind us. My skin tingled from contact._

_"Come on kid, you're running late." His eyes showed a smile hidden. Please let this all be real._

_I placed the coffee on the table, and finished getting dressed._

_The coffee's was still warm by the time I got back. Dark with a ton of sugar…he pays attention to how I take my coffee._

_"Let's go pretty boy." He says as I grabbed my bag._

"So, what do you want to do?" Jolting me back from my thoughts, Morgan looks over at me, lacing his fingers into mine.

"Uh, my place. I want to crawl into bed with you and get some sleep, if you don't mind." I can hear my voice go soft. I don't really know where I stand with Derek; this is uncharted territory and I…

"That sounds perfect." He picks up speed, heading in the direction of home.


	4. Time

I do not own Reid or Criminal Minds : Some day...

Be honest, What do you think... I love feedback.

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"We're here." Morgan whispers. Reid pulls his head off the window. The car door clicks, and Morgan leaps out, opening the door for Reid. Reid smiles as Morgan leads the way to the apartment.

"How'd you...?" Reid gestures to the key that Morgan produces to open Reid's door.

"Don't you have a key to my"-- Morgan goes red as Reid stares.

"No, I don't. But I'm trying to over look how creepy that is." Reid pushes him through the open door.

"Okay, sleep. Must get some sleep." Reid mumbles under his breath. He looks a bit jumpy, unsure what to do with Morgan there.

"Hey Kid, come here." Morgan pats a cushion on the couch. Reid looks around before going over and sits.

Morgan gets on his knees and unties Reid's shoes, pulling one string at a time, slipping them off. He gets up, sliding his hands under Reid's jacket, pulling it off and laying it neatly on the couch next to him.

He bends closer, kissing Reid on the lips.  
"Time for bed, Pretty Boy." Morgan offers his hand, Reid smiles shyly. He starts off to bed and stops.

"You're not ready for bed." He looks over his shoulder at Morgan.

"Why not?" Morgan's eyebrows shoot up.

"You're going to bed with a jacket and shoes on.' Reid folds his arms in front of him.

"Right." Morgan grins, pulling off his jacket. Reid stares at Morgan, observing how his muscles move as he bends to take off his shoes.

"I wonder what it'd be like..." Reid mummers.

"What'd you say?" Morgan asks. Reid shakes his head.

"Bad thought. Come on, I'm tired." Reid goes to open his room door, which displays a large, neat bed.

"Get in, I'll tuck you in" Morgan says.

"Alright." Reid scoots into bed. Morgan covers him with the comforter.

"What do you think you're doing?" Reid asks as Morgan goes to walk out of the room.

"Uh..."

"Get in the bed Morgan. Sleep." Reid plumps the other pillows, Morgan gets in and Reid turns over, spooning into Morgan, Morgan wrapping his arm around Morgan's waist.

"I need you here." Reid says quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay." Reid mummers, drifting off to sleep.

"I love you." Morgan whispers into the back of Reid's head, wishing for more time.


	5. Jello

You get the drift...I don't own them, though it is my greatest desire. Squee.

Please comment, I beg

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"Spencer, I'm cutting you off." Morgan laughs.

"It's the only thing I can keep down. I can't even drink coffee anymore." Reid pouts as Morgan removes the jell-o cup from him.

"But come on, ten cups? That's a bit much. In one sitting." Morgan spoons a bit of jell-o into his own mouth.

"Hey, that's my Jell-o!" Reid crosses his arms, the hospital gown making him look like a three year old...without any eyebrows or hair to speak of.

"Okay babe...Okay!" Morgan teases as he places the empty cup beside his bed.

"I'll get you another cup kid. Scoot over, let me in." Morgan climbs in the bed. Reid's almost skeletal, the chemo draining him.

"When did you know?" Reid asks, kissing the side of Morgan's neck.

"I'm not a mind reader, Pretty Boy." Morgan says.

"Don't call e that. I'm not Pretty Boy anymore. When did you know that you wanted... me?" He whispers, looking away.

"When did I...? Every time we had a case and somehow you found danger. You're a magnet, you know that? Being kidnapped, shot at, set on fire, contracting a deadly virus. Every time I didn't know if you were okay, I'd flip. I knew, but I was just in denial. Spence...I'm scared. What's going to happen?" Morgan tears up.

Reid wipes his eyes.

"Well, I'm going to eat more Jell-o, get better. Be with you until we die...a long time later. We're going to be old. I'll probably find a way to make a serum that'll make us live forever before then." Reid attempts a smile.

"What about getting married?" Morgan diverts his eyes from Reid.

"You...want to?" Reid asks skeptically.

"Yeah, I do...You and me, we've got something, something I've never found, or will ever find with someone else." Morgan laughs.

"But we've only been together for a little over a month. I look like skeleton." Reid shakes his head.

"What are you talking about, you're beautiful. I love you. "Morgan's voice cracks.

Reid is silent, sinking into his pillow. His eyes close down, shifting in his head as he takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. The shadows under Reid's eyes are deeper than ever.

Brown eyes stare up at Morgan.

"Let's do it." Reid smiles; Morgan kisses Reid deeply.

"I love you." Morgan whispers, breathless.

"Love you too, Morgan." Reid says, burying his head into Morgan's chest.


	6. Bells

I don't own them but I wouldn't mind if they landed on my front doorstep. Comments appreciated.

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"It doesn't fit right. I look like a little kid playing dress up." This slightly embarrassing, I mean this was the smallest suit they could find, and it still swallows me. Hotch straightens my bow tie.

"Don't worry, you look fine. "His eyes twitch and I call him on it.

"I look like an Alien. Why does Derek want to go through with this?" I don't understand his rational. I'm dying and he's attaching himself to me.

"Morgan loves you, nothing else matters, everything else is irrelevant. You two need each other." Hotch looks everywhere but my face.

"Thank you," is all I can choke out. I think I can see tears forming in Hotch's eyes.

He clears his throat. "It's time." He leads me out the room, and we walk to the hospital's chapel. I hang on to him; I don't think my legs will support me. We make it to the doors, and as we walk in all eyes are on us. I wish I could run, or become invisible. Too many eyes.

Mom and Dad set in the front row, Morgan's mother and sisters next to them smiling at me.

JJ and Prentis, along with Rossi and Kevin sit on the other side. Garcia stands next to…Morgan.

I lock eyes with him, and I can't look away. He looks so handsome in his charcoal suit. His eyes are shining, teeth flashing a nervous grin. I can't believe we're doing this.

There is only silence as we make our way up the aisle, Hotch and I. There are no frills, it's not needed.

"Okay…" The priest starts talking, but I can hear nothing, all I can do is grip on to Morgan's hands, warm and safe.

"Would you like to say a few words?" The priest directs the question at me. I smile, clearing my throat. I'm so nervous.

"Um…I'd just like to say, Derek, I think you are crazy for even attempting to marry someone like me. I'm so flawed and unworthy of the kindness you have shown me. I want to thank you. I promise to love you with every fiber in my being, I promise to shoot off less random facts when all you want to do is sleep. I promise to even let you win a hand at poker every once and a while. I just… I love you, and consider myself lucky to be with you. I don't believe that love is between a man and a woman, I believe it's through people, and I love you Derek Morgan, and I am honored to spend the rest of my life with you…" For once I am at a loss of words.

Morgan clears his throat, crying.

"God Reid, I love you more than you'll ever know. You're addiction to coffee, the look you have when you wake up, or when you're too tired to sleep. Your prattle about stuff no one really cares about." Everyone laughs. "I love the fact that you put others before yourself. I want to be there for you, whether you're sick or not. I don't know how I survived this long without you by my side, and I'd be honored to be your husband, partner, or whatever legal jargon people go by. I love you kid, don't you ever forget it." Morgan's hands shake, I hold them tight.

Hotch and Garcia gives us the rings to exchange.

The priest says something, but I can't hear him. Morgan places his lips on mine, I hear bells ringing. Aren't we in a Hospital?

I can feel my face heat, which doesn't really happen anymore. I can't support myself so I lean into Morgan, him taking me into his arms.

"We did it pretty boy." Morgan whispers in my ear.

"Yeah, you're stuck with me for life."


	7. Birds

Birds  
Who doesn't want to own Hotness? Sadly I own not Reid or CM.

"Morgan! Morgan! Get them off me! Get them off me!" Reid swats at the air.

Morgan leaps from the chair in their shared apartment,

"What? What is it?" Morgan stares at Reid who was hitting himself now; bruises forming quickly on his deathly pale skin.

"Get them off me Morgan." He cries out. "The birds, the birds are pecking me, get them off!"

Morgan grabs Reid's wrists.

"Babe, they're off. I got them all off...See?" Morgan swats the air. "See, they're gone."

Reid pants heavily, a shadow of his former self. They stopped the chemo a while ago, said there was nothing else they could do. Told Morgan to take him home and bring him in as needed.

"Morgan, I'm loosing my mind." Reid whimpers. "Why don't you let me go? Live your life." Reid moans.

"No. I made my choice. I love you Spence. Don't even joke about that. What do I have to do or say to make you believe me?" Morgan says as he carries him off to their bed.

"Morgan, why won't you listen to me? You have to..." Reid's mouth opens and closes like a fish.

"Spence? Spencer?" Morgan shakes him.

"Pstail mnph." Reid's eyes roll in the back of his head.

"Reid? Kid, come on, come back to me. Reid's body goes limp in his arms.

"Morgan scrambles for the phone on the side of the bed.

He punches in the numbers, hands violently shaking.

"Reid it's going to be alright." He kisses his forehead.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" A faceless operator asks.

For Morgan, his world's come crashing down.


	8. Black Rose

how you like the entire story please, much needed for the life of this writer. I Don't own them I don't own them...but I still can have dreams?

The coffin's brought out of the hearse; draped in a flag. All their family and friends are there, faces drawn.  
Reid didn't want the twenty one gun salute, no music. No he wanted it simple as possible, as long as he had the people who loved him.

Hotch and Rossi stand near Morgan as support columns, in case he needs it. Garcia stands next to Reid's mother, Prentis and JJ between Morgan's family, tears falling silently.

The gaping hole in the earth is near a tree, the sun beating down on their bent heads, a long shadow cast on the grave.

Everyone gets a turn to peak on how Dr. Spencer Reid touched their lives.

Morgan goes up to speak.

"Spencer Ride was a brilliant man, who died too young. He was..." Morgan stops blinking back tears. "He was the smartest man anyone of us could ever hope to know, and for a while, he was my Partner, my lover, my best friend. I'm so grateful that I had the chance.

His greatest fear was becoming ill and leaving other people to care for him. But let there be no mistake, he was no burden to me. He feared being alone and look at us here. I loved him...I love him with all I have. I hope he knew." Morgan chokes on sobs.

Garcia rubs his back. "I think he knew." She murmurs, everyone nods in agreement.

They fold up the flag and hand it to Reid's mother, who shakes from her tears. The grave diggers lower the casket into the ground.

"Well," Hotch says as everyone gets ready to leave, "Morgan, stay as long as you need." Hotch nods to Morgan before walking off.

"We all miss him." JJ says as she, Garcia, and Prentis mash him into a hug. They leave one after the other until only Morgan is left.

"Morgan looks down at his phone as it vibrates, signaling a message has been left. He flips it open and listens.

"Morgan! How many times do I have to tell you?" Reid's voice dribbles out of the phone, angry. "How many times do I have to tell you that I love you? " His voice softens, and the beep signals its end.

Morgan smiles through his tears through his sobs, placing a black rose on the gravestone.

"Love you kid." Morgan croaks, before leaving to meet Hotch, looking up at the sky, his heart feels like it's going to burst.

"You're mine." Morgan whispers as he walks away.


End file.
